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Comedy Cult News

Irreverent "news" headlines from around the world brought to you by Comedy Cult.
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*BREAKING NEWS*

Confusion at Downing Street this weekend when Boris is asked to build a new cabinet

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*BREAKING NEWS*

UK Government bring forward 1st April a day early with publication of their race “review”

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Photos have emerged which appear to prove Harry & Meghan’s claim they had secretly married 3 days before their £32m TV wedding

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*BREAKING NEWS*

As lockdown restrictions relax, a ban on hugging is extended and endorsed by those that had miserable, loveless childhoods

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Suez Canal Authority to trial new cargo ships following the freeing of the Ever Given vessel

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*BREAKING NEWS*

As lockdown rules are relaxed today the Government releases a new slogan as the White House styled new briefing room is shown for the first time

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*TV NEWS*

Line up announced for Series 7 of ITV’s Love Island

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*TV NEWS*

Following news the BBC’s ‘Line Of Duty’ has been renewed for a 7th series, the plot has been leaked on-line after scripts were found on a train

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*BREAKING NEWS*

With the clocks going forward today, the Mail on Sunday readers are set to lose more than 1 hour of their lives today, due to a man who believes you “can’t say anything nowadays” given a 5 page special, in the country’s biggest selling Sunday newspaper, to say things

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Journey man Chuka Umunna signs a short term contract with The Alba Party following his release from The Liberal Democrats.

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Beyoncé Z’s storage units in LA have been broken into. Unfortunately everything she owned was in a box to the left of the unit.

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Progress is made on the Suez Canal blockage as Red Sea nautical expert is appointed

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Nurses pay increase set to be cut to accommodate the Union flag being flown on UK government buildings every day as Boris says “our national pride is in the emergency room”

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Rishi Sunak sets out plan to increase unemployment to traditional Conservative Party levels

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Police issue E-Fit of man wanted in connection with posing as the leader of the opposition. Concerns were raised when he went missing when Government decisions were expected to be challenged

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*TV NEWS*

Eastenders is to move to a later 9:30pm slot to accommodate Zack Snyder’s 2 hours directors cut of the BBC1 ident

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*BREAKING NEWS*

The Harry formerly known as Prince begins his first day in his first real job since leaving the House of Windsor

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*BREAKING NEWS*

 

Network rail concerned about loss in revenue as UK Government’s announcement of a £5,000 fine for travelling abroad still works out cheaper than travelling by train

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*BREAKING NEWS*

The Mail on Sunday are to issue Meghan apology on a new commemorative stamp, as Judge rules front page apology can be smaller than the Duchess of Sussex demanded

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Following Sharon Osbourne’s race row on American TV, husband Ozzy has made a show of support by rebranding as the “Prince of lightness” and renaming his rock band “Sabbath”.

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Following violent clashes with the police in Bristol today, protestors are reminded the programme was decommissioned in 2010.

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Ofcom demand “Comic” Relief refund £52m raised due to breaches of the Trade Description Act

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*BREAKING NEWS*

America rocked by assaination attempt by Italian immigrants 2 months into Biden’s tenure

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Government announce a new bank holiday so that everyone can watch Zack Snyder’s directors cut of Justice League in full

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*BREAKING NEWS*

ITV & This Morning criticised for new Makeover feature

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*BREAKING NEWS*

As the Palace continue to distance themselves from racism claims, Prince Charles announces a new music venture

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*BREAKING NEWS*

Conservative Government introduce new paperless manifesto to help combat climate change